Friday, October 06, 2006
Weird night last night. I end up getting chatted up by an ugly chick feeling sorry for me, who invites me over to sit down with her friends (all looking like total assholes), a smile from the nutcase half chinese chick who's been blanking me for months, Joe and Rob both go home with girls (weirdest thing ever), I have a good laugh with two random girls and end up escorting their bawling-her-eyes-out Goth chick friend (who Raph was getting it on with, and incidentally was totally ratarsed along with the guys) back to her flat with her wearing my godamned hoody all the way back so I froze my ass off for a good hour and a half (her friends just walked back, leaving me with her).
There's a name for guys like me.
Suckers.
There's a name for guys like me.
Suckers.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Am currently enjoying Terry Pratchett's 'The Colour of Magic', and besides making me laugh on a crowded train (for which I can forgive it) its great. Just a quote coz I can't resist putting something in.
'On the whole, the unpleasant carvings and occasional disjointed skeletons he passed held no fears for Hrun. This was partly because he was not exceptionally bright while being at the same time exceptionally unimaginative, but it was also because odd carvings and perilous tunnels were all in a day's work. He spent a great deal of time in similar situations, seeking gold or demons or distressed virgins and relieving them respectively of their owners, their lives and at least one cause of their distress.'
Fantastic writer.
'On the whole, the unpleasant carvings and occasional disjointed skeletons he passed held no fears for Hrun. This was partly because he was not exceptionally bright while being at the same time exceptionally unimaginative, but it was also because odd carvings and perilous tunnels were all in a day's work. He spent a great deal of time in similar situations, seeking gold or demons or distressed virgins and relieving them respectively of their owners, their lives and at least one cause of their distress.'
Fantastic writer.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Well the weekend was an eye opener. I realised that my parents don't know me. They don't know my life. What I feel, what I do, who I am. I've kept myself seperate from family for all these years. My fault, but why? Why do I have to keep everything from them? Dad came close to bringing me to tears infront of him. He was that close to the truth. Yet I don't know why I can't be honest with them. What scares me is that it'll be too late before they know anything. Then Gran phoned and I escaped then broke down in my room. Then they backed off, because I was too much of a pussy and couldn't take it. When what really needed to happen was them to keep pushing, maybe that would have fixed things. And I still have no idea why. I'm beginning to think maybe I do have actual issues. To think that people could love you for your actual personality and self, instead of incidentally. How much better would life be.
They have no idea why I failed the year. Granted, neither do I. But they deserve to know whats going on in my life, how I feel about things, who I am. Thats the right of a parent, its what you have kids for. I'm a terrible son. I take their money and time, I make them worried like hell (I'm scared of my Gran or Dad getting sick sometimes because of me). Dad couldn't sleep or work properly all last week. Yet I give them nothing back. Nothing. They'd do anything for me, but I can't even be honest with them, or even call them ever. I must come off as such an ungrateful prick. I don't call my sisters. I haven't heard from Jo in months. Last time I tried, I couldn't talk to her either. I didn't know her. I really am a total asshole. I hate me.
Thing is, I'm still too chicken shit to talk to them about anything deeper than what I made for dinner. Why? The hell is wrong with me?
Heh, this is the kinda shit my tutor said I should go to counselling about. He says that I should go to counselling just to show the commitee people that I've 'sought help' so they can be all like 'Aww, at least he's trying, lets let him in'. Sigh. Maybe I should. Scared of getting emotional around the welfare person I guess (plus she's pretty hot). And what they gonna do about it?
Holy shit a reasonably coherent blog about what I was feeling. Wow. I am *really* interested as to what I'd talk about if I were stoned, if I sound like this sober minded. What a nut job. Don't you hate that when you read back your blog entries. But its all true, so its there.
Anyway, enough. Later <3
P.S. Lol, that first paragraph really makes me sound like I'm coming out of the closet. Excellent XD. Incidentally I'm not, fag. Another time maybe ;)
They have no idea why I failed the year. Granted, neither do I. But they deserve to know whats going on in my life, how I feel about things, who I am. Thats the right of a parent, its what you have kids for. I'm a terrible son. I take their money and time, I make them worried like hell (I'm scared of my Gran or Dad getting sick sometimes because of me). Dad couldn't sleep or work properly all last week. Yet I give them nothing back. Nothing. They'd do anything for me, but I can't even be honest with them, or even call them ever. I must come off as such an ungrateful prick. I don't call my sisters. I haven't heard from Jo in months. Last time I tried, I couldn't talk to her either. I didn't know her. I really am a total asshole. I hate me.
Thing is, I'm still too chicken shit to talk to them about anything deeper than what I made for dinner. Why? The hell is wrong with me?
Heh, this is the kinda shit my tutor said I should go to counselling about. He says that I should go to counselling just to show the commitee people that I've 'sought help' so they can be all like 'Aww, at least he's trying, lets let him in'. Sigh. Maybe I should. Scared of getting emotional around the welfare person I guess (plus she's pretty hot). And what they gonna do about it?
Holy shit a reasonably coherent blog about what I was feeling. Wow. I am *really* interested as to what I'd talk about if I were stoned, if I sound like this sober minded. What a nut job. Don't you hate that when you read back your blog entries. But its all true, so its there.
Anyway, enough. Later <3
P.S. Lol, that first paragraph really makes me sound like I'm coming out of the closet. Excellent XD. Incidentally I'm not, fag. Another time maybe ;)
Wow, I have a week and a half to convince four people and myself that I'm optimistic, positive, happy, have made significant changes in my mental state and work ethic and am raring to get my proverbial teeth stuck into my metaphorical work. Er, actual work. Oh and I have to plead forgiveness and a second chance.
Boy, am I screwed.
Boy, am I screwed.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
God I splooge myself whenever I read 'The Raven'. Heres the last verse:
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the
floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted- nevermore!
The guys a genius. Pallid bust of Pallas makes me faint daintily.
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the
floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted- nevermore!
The guys a genius. Pallid bust of Pallas makes me faint daintily.
Blackadder rules. Heres some quotes from episode 5, series 2:
Percy: I must say Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast with you before the rigours of the day begin.
Blackadder: Well it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company so through a learn of discourse, he may rise above the savage and be closer to God.
Percy : Yes I've heard that.
Blackadder: Personally, however I like to start the day with a total dickhead
to remind me I'm best.
Blackadder: My Aunt and Uncle Lord and Lady Whiteadder, the two most fanatical puritans in England have invited themselves to dinner here tonight.
Percy: But aren't they the most frightful bores?
Blackadder: Yep, but they have one redeeming feature: their wallets. More copacious than an elephants scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands around.
Blackadder: Not good enough, you're fired.
Baldrick: But my Lord, I've been in your family since 1532.
Blackadder: So has syphillis, now get out.
Fantastic.
Percy: I must say Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast with you before the rigours of the day begin.
Blackadder: Well it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company so through a learn of discourse, he may rise above the savage and be closer to God.
Percy : Yes I've heard that.
Blackadder: Personally, however I like to start the day with a total dickhead
to remind me I'm best.
Blackadder: My Aunt and Uncle Lord and Lady Whiteadder, the two most fanatical puritans in England have invited themselves to dinner here tonight.
Percy: But aren't they the most frightful bores?
Blackadder: Yep, but they have one redeeming feature: their wallets. More copacious than an elephants scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands around.
Blackadder: Not good enough, you're fired.
Baldrick: But my Lord, I've been in your family since 1532.
Blackadder: So has syphillis, now get out.
Fantastic.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Aha an old favourite, now rediscovered: the dragon dooooes...
Friday, August 25, 2006
Hokay, my 9 internet explorer pages up tonight are (besides this one, smartass)
Kabbalah
The Hard Facts about Satanic Ritual Abuse
Cthulhu
The Collapse of the Roman Empire
Accessory muscles of respiration
Battlefield 2 Dogfight tactics
Webturd BF2 Jet Guide
Air Combat 4b (from a site about jet combat)
You tube - Buakaw vs Sun Tao (sadly, it seems that many of the other kickboxing videos that I had on favourites before were removed because the companies selling the DVDs or whatever found out and said they were used without permission...psht. Useless.)
No porn! Honest!
PS - speaking of which, http://nationallampoon.com/index.php?option=com_jambozine&layout=article&view=page&aid=44&Itemid=32
PS + 1 - Oh yeah Firth's first animation since forever: jabba
Kabbalah
The Hard Facts about Satanic Ritual Abuse
Cthulhu
The Collapse of the Roman Empire
Accessory muscles of respiration
Battlefield 2 Dogfight tactics
Webturd BF2 Jet Guide
Air Combat 4b (from a site about jet combat)
You tube - Buakaw vs Sun Tao (sadly, it seems that many of the other kickboxing videos that I had on favourites before were removed because the companies selling the DVDs or whatever found out and said they were used without permission...psht. Useless.)
No porn! Honest!
PS - speaking of which, http://nationallampoon.com/index.php?option=com_jambozine&layout=article&view=page&aid=44&Itemid=32
PS + 1 - Oh yeah Firth's first animation since forever: jabba
Monday, August 21, 2006
Damn Im such a loser. I've been conspiracy unravelling since 9pm -.-. Might post some stuff in the near future, not sure. Depends if I can recall my tracks from this evening or not really.
Just don't expect anything too serious (or they'll try to kill me). Ahahah. *gulp* O_O
Edit: And for the record, its 5:14 AM, not 4:14 as stated. ;).
Edit: Back again, just to mention that I have 22 IE pages up. O_o
Just don't expect anything too serious (or they'll try to kill me). Ahahah. *gulp* O_O
Edit: And for the record, its 5:14 AM, not 4:14 as stated. ;).
Edit: Back again, just to mention that I have 22 IE pages up. O_o
